So next week is Evan's 1 year appointment at CHOP. I'm not nervous persay but I'm definitely on edge. Compounded on top of this is the fact that I have to go to this appointment with Evan by myself. I go to plenty of doctor appointments with the kids alone. Michael has been to the pediatrician MAYBE 2 times in 3 years. I went to every ultrasound appointment by myself when the boys were being diagnosed for Pyloric Stenosis. This isn't the pediatrician's office. It's an apointment in a huge city hospital where sick kids are all over the place fighting terrible diseases and it makes me anxious. And it's about our baby who will have to have bloodwork done and I can't fathom how I will stand to hold him while they stick his little arm to get the blood. After having two baby's need difficult IV's for severe dehydration from PS and 2 sweat tests I knew enough that Michael had to be the one to accompany Evan in the 3rd sweat test and any blood work he may need in the future. It's just terrible to hear your baby scream and not be able to do anything about it. Dads have to do that stuff.
Last week I told Michael that this appointment was coming up and he needed to make sure he had off from work which several months ago he assured me that this wouldn't be an issue. Well it's an issue and he cannot get off. I was so angry. Angry because in December he was able to get off for numerous Mummers events and New Years. Angry because he said he didn't want to ask off back then because he was asking for all those days off and didn't want to look bad but that it wouldn't be a problem come the new year. I got that. But he waited a month and a half to find out and of course something was scheduled for that day. I am so angry i haven't even told him I'm angry. That's how I know I'm really mad.
So I asked my mom if she could go with me. She has been watching my niece while my sister is home and since my sis will probably have ot go to NYC next Thursday and Friday and my dad isn't comfortable with staying with the baby all day long my mom can't go unless she brings the baby. Well I don't want the baby to go to the hospital and fear her catching some kind of bug lingering around there. Plus that kid can cry. It's not just any cry, it's that high pitched screech that only estrogen can cause. It makes me thankful that I had boys...they don't have those octaves even as infants!
Anyway, this is just my vent about constantly being the parent who has to be "on". I'll put on my big girl pants and do it, of course, but I don't have to like it.
Hope everyone is having a fun day today. This day last year I was miserable. We had the new possible CF news in our heads 24/7 and a vomitting baby and a doctor refusing to let me get Evan an ultrasound to rule out Pyloric Stenosis....because in her mind there was no way we would have 2 babies with PS and we were probaly just looking at reflux. Well she was wrong. In two days it will be 1 year since Evan's PS surgery which was followed by the worst PS recovery ever (in my mind!). Glad those days are long behind us and these are exactly the reasons that keep me from having the 3rd baby I always wanted (aaaand that girl baby scream I referenced earlier helps with that feeling as well).
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